Tuesday, April 19, 2016

"To be or not to be, that's the question". 
To follow your own rules, that's my answer. 

Let's talk bodies and comfort zones, shall we?
A little story just for you. 

Let me sketch the situation for you; ever since I was able to run around, I have been doing a lot of sports. Until the age of 15, I had the strongest body I will ever have. No curves, no boobs, no nothing. Just incredibly lean and fit. Then my knee surgery happened and for one year I couldn't do a thing. That year I finally became a woman and like a butterfly, I got rid off my cocoon. All of a sudden I did have curves, boobs and I got hips. My transformation from little caterpillar to a somewhat voluptuous butterfly had begun. 

I changed a lot. It is almost like I switched bodies during those few years. Change is hard, especially when the change is so extreme. I started to get names, I never had before. I was called heavy and fat.  Some people said they didn't think I was beautiful anymore. My boobs started to get more attention, than I ever got. My world changed. 

At the beginning I let those things come near me. But for what? This wasn't my fault. Some day you have to become a woman, you can't stay looking like a child. In the end I embraced my body. Learned that I somehow got it all: the small waist, the big boobs and the perky behind. I embraced it, learned to dress to my body and grew thick skin. I realized the only people having issues with my new body, are those who saw me grew up. For them I say: deal with it and shut up. This is me and I love me. And when the day comes that I don't, I will change something. Not today. 

So when we planned this photoshoot, I had no intentions at all to model this look. I thought I would not be able to pull it off. But when the actual model was running late, I jumped in. I channeled my inner 'Sasha Fierce' and did it. 

I am proud. Proud that I did something completely out of my comfort zone. Proud that I feel comfortable in the pictures. Proud that they actually look really cool, but hey, that's my opinion. 

When I got home, I was so excited to show my family the pictures we took. They didn't like them. Too risky, too much skin, not the right body to pull the look off,... it hurt. I was so damn proud. And that's where friends jump in. They love my pictures. They like my body. They have no issues with it. I am female. I am a little Kim K. (and not her pregnant version). 

I know, it is easier said than done. Every day is a fight. But never try to change their minds. They won't. Never try to prove them. You are not put on this world to prove others, to make them love you. Like RuPaul says; “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Start with you. 

And so here we are, me in bed writing this heart-to-heart for you, and you reading it. I hope that some people get some strength reading this. Some inspiration. Since when did we decide there was a perfect fit and body? Why do we make distinctions between people? Why do we have models and plussize models? I don't get it, they are models too right? Why call them plussize, when they have the average size? Why pretend that skinny is the only right coat rack for your clothes? Why do we still keep feeding this idea? 

Leave me your thoughts in the comments below. I would love to hear you point of view and/ or story. And to end with a cringy note; 'where all in this together' (singing the tune to High School Musical). 

Bisous, S.